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1. They remind us on cuddly, furry teddy bears that we want to hug all day.
2. Men without beards look like children and remind us of our horrible teenage boyfriends.
3. Men with beards look like sexy Vikings.
4. Women like beards for the same reason men like boobs; we can’t grow our own so we’ll have yours instead.
5. They can store treats and surprises in their beards for us.
6. We need something to grab on to.
7. Beards give us something to stroke, you wanna touch my hair all the time then I’m gonna touch your face.
8. Beards come in all shapes and sizes and you can trim it so you look like an old biker or a perfect gent. We generally prefer the gentleman look.
9. We can buy you cute little beard grooming kits for Christmas.
10. And then your beard will smell like mangoes and we’ll wanna kiss you more so yeah.
11. We associate beards with domination, JS.
12. Because beards are sexy and you know it.
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