ARE REVENGE BLOG POSTS AS BAD AS REVENGE PORN?

all photos by Rebecca Claire, libfemblog.com, Sony Xperia X // all rights reserved


I was scrolling through my twitter feed recently when I came across a heavily retweeted blog post by a blogger I’d not heard of before. I clicked through to find a post that made me absolutely livid. It was a blog post ROASTING this blogger’s ex-boyfriend. And when I say ‘roasting’ I mean she went in HARD on this guy. She cusses down his personality calling him boring, she insults his commitment to her and she even slags off his wang (totally uncalled for.) I won’t link the post, there’s no need to name and shame but I was not only appalled to read it but to read some of the comments people were leaving on the post.

Back in early August, I broke up with somebody following a 6-8 week shitty relationship which was born from our friendship of five years. It was bitter as fuck. He attacked me , damaged my landlord’s property and lived in my house rent free, I was scared enough to call the police who immediately offered to remove him from my home. Safe to say it was one of the most difficult times of my life and it also led me on to pick much better men.  I talk about this now as if it never even happened but back then I was so so hurt and angry that I felt very tempted to tell the world what a total asshole he was.

I never did. I didn’t because I knew that writing a nasty and revengeful post on a public forum such as a blog would invite some more nasty behaviour from him. It would take me to his low, low level. I’m glad I never wrote that post because as much as it would have made me feel better, it would have been more trouble than it was worth. Even more so because since then I’ve received unprovoked death threats from him so imagine how bad it would be if I actually did something to even vaguely deserve it.

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The blogger says things like “his penis was unsatisfying” Sadly, a lot of these things say more about the person writing it than the person it’s about. This woman or should I say girl should be embarrassed to admit that she dated somebody so wrong for her in the first place instead of bragging about how shit a person he is. Because at the end of it my horrible relationship I was embarrassed to admit that I’d dated such an obviously vile person and made such a horrendous life choice. I guess it takes a few weeks of dating to see somebody’s true colours but when you do, there’s no need to go shouting about them.

What the post got me wondering though was whether this was just as bad as revenge porn. It’s obviously not the same thing but because of how society treats men and women’s bodies differently, it’s easily equal. It would be difficult to attack a man with revenge porn because the shame associated with male nudity is almost non-existent. But giving him a full on roasting where his friends/family/future partners will be able to see it would really dig at a guy in the same way that sharing someone’s private photos might. This leads on to my final point which is that it wouldn’t surprise me if this poor fella had gone ahead and shared her nudes with a bunch of peeps online just to get back at her for writing that post. And if he did, who would be worse?

 

 

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12 Comments

  1. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through such a horrendous ordeal with your ex. I’m always here for you.
    I think there can be a fine line between writing about a topic that you’ve experienced and using your platform to attack someone. For example, you’ve mentioned here about your ex. It’s completely relevant to the post and nowhere have you name called or given details that would identify the person in question. This is a great example of appropriate use of personal experience related to others. I’ll never understand why people think it’s ok to attack another online. Whether it be in a blog post, through a YouTube comment or on Twitter. People who do this just show themselves up. Xx
    Tania | When Tania Talks

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    1. It’s funny you say that, I got slated on Twitter for supposedly being completely ironic in this post and digging on him. I think what I shared was accurate to how far we should go on our blogs ie. Not naming people or going into masses of detail. Thank you for reading and for your kind words :) xxxxxx

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  2. Really was intrigued to read this! There’s freedom of speech, then there’s stuff like this which shouldn’t happen. No matter how mad you are at someone, sharing intimate details like that shouldn’t happen unless consented to by the other person.

    – Chloe
    chloetommo.co.uk
    xoxo

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  3. I did something very similar to this once. In my defence a) I was 17; b) this was 1999 and I was like the only person with a blog.

    It made me look terrible, turned my ex’s family against me and meant that we were unable to be friends for a few years afterwards. And he didn’t do anything wrong!

    Look, I totally get the whole “it’s my place to write what I want” thing, and I write about some pretty personal stuff – mental health etc – on my own blog. But those are my stories, and mine to tell in whatever way I see fit. I could, for example, write about the impact that a relationship breaking down had on me – particularly if it would be helpful to others going through the same things – but where my story interacts with his/hers then it’s not solely mine to tell. There was a great post on Offbeat Home and Life about this just the other day actually, which you might appreciate reading.

    I’m lucky in that I got to make most of my internet mistakes in the relative privacy of a “new” form of media. These days, my guiding principle is: is there anybody out there, however unlikely it is that they come across it, that I really wouldn’t want reading this? If so, think twice.

    Lis / last year’s girl x

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    1. So did I! It was back in uni so I was maybe 20/21 and basically nobody read my blog and I didn’t name any names but Jesus Christ it got me in a sticky situation. I think I learned from that never to write anything I wouldn’t happily back up months later. I’ll check out the linked post too. Thanks for reading :) x

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  4. I just searched to find the post you are talking about here, and I totally agree with you. I have never been the biggest fan of sharing intimate details of my personal life, particularly romantic relationships, on my blog, especially without the other person’s prior consent, but of course it’s a subjective matter. However, her post is very vindictive and full of hate. It’s not constructive in the slightest, and is a nasty attack on a person simply because the relationship didn’t go well. You make a very good point about words causing more harm than exposing a guy’s nudity – I had never thought about that before! She has a few people calling her out on that post, but she attacks them with the response that it’s her own space and she can do what she wants with it. I just think that we all (read: she) need to think more about who can see what we write and how it might affect others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure it wasn’t difficult to find, it was all over my twitter feed.
      I hate that whole “it’s my place to write what I want” because no actually it’s not. It’s something that should have stayed in a journal or diary and not been put onto a public blog which she then actively shares on social media. It’s similar to when people say discriminatory things and yell FREEDOM OF SPEECH when anyone stands up for the vile things they’ve said. Ugh.
      Thanks for reading xo

      Liked by 1 person

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