all photos by Rebecca Claire, libfemblog.com (Sony Xperia X, edited with VSCO) // all rights reserved
I don’t believe myself to be a dating expert or mental health expert in any capacity. This post is not here to tell you how to live you’re life or how to cope with your own mental health in relation to your love life. It’s my opinion & it’s not gospel. I invite open discussion on my blog and I love having my opinions challenged…
There’s this magical thing that happens when you first fall in love with someone; your troubles shrink. It’s like all the problems and stresses you had before you became infatuated got minimised in the corner of the screen, forgotten about. Sadly, they don’t entirely disappear. In fact, over time they’ll re-emerge with the same vengeance they had before. And by allowing them to be swept under the rug, we leave them unaddressed and angry at us.
I am of course talking mostly about our demons. Our demons; those thoughts that slink into our heads when we least expect it and crush our every sense of being. This swept away feeling a new relationship gives us, it makes us forget how close those demons really are. It lures us into a false sense of security.
We’ve all been in that place where we’ve thought that the person we’ve fallen for has cured us; we believe they’ve made us better, or fixed us. But three months down the line the depression comes creeping back in and we realise that we were never fixed at all.
It makes you wonder if we should date at all when we’re not in the right place with ourselves.
They say you can’t love somebody else until you love yourself and in a sense that is true; if you put two unstable people together, the truth is that they’re likely to drag each other down. But can we really say that people regularly suffering with their mental health can’t date when that figure is now 1 in 6?
Talking from personal experience, when I have been in a good place and dated someone who isn’t, I’ve felt somewhat like I should be able to fix them. I feel responsible for how they’re feeling most of the time and I allow their feelings to rub off on me. I feel a little helpless in times like these.
When I have been in a bad place, a relationship with someone similar has caused us both to spiral into a worse state. I’ve felt it happen. Like a whirlpool.
Because ultimately, depression can cause you to be a selfish partner. That sounds bad but when two people are suffering with depression, anxiety or another condition, they are likely to be more co-dependent that loving… and that’s how relationships become destructive.
I read online about how we attract & consequently are attracted to, those who reconfirm our subconscious beliefs about ourselves. So someone suffering with confidence issues is likely to date someone with similar issues and therefore reinforce each other’s beliefs. This can lead to a negative cycle.
Furthermore, those who suffer with depression or anxiety commonly feel unworthy of love and subsequently become paranoid about being broken up with. This can be tiresome for the other party and lead to a weak connection in the relationship.
Just because you feel a gaping hole in your life, does not mean a relationship is going to be the thing that fills it. I’ve seen people fall into that far too many times.
But I am taking a stand against dating people that aren’t any good for my mental health. I am finally in a place where I am being rational, thinking about my actions/reactions and just generally keeping a hold on my sanity (for once) and if I’m going to be dating anybody, they need to have their shit together. Like SO together.
Because ain’t nobody dragging me back to the place I was in 9 months ago.
As I said before, opposing opinions are always welcome. I openly invite you to challenge my opinion or tell me why you think two people with depression can be good for each other…
all photos by Rebecca Claire, libfemblog.com (CANON EOS 700D) // all rights reserved
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