A friend of mine recently was really struggling to break up with someone she was seeing. It had been a few months and they had been having fun but she just wasn’t feelin’ it. She felt horrible about it but she knew that the breakup had to happen… it was the right thing to do.
Sometimes we find someone who is essentially perfect on paper but the spark just isn’t there. You can both be good people, give it your all and be the best you can be but if it’s not love then it’s not love. And even if one person is bound to get hurt, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give the relationship the dignity it deserves.
Sometimes you just have to be the bad guy. But in being the bad guy, try and be the best you can be about it.
Breaking up via text isn’t okay.
Ghosting on someone isn’t okay.
Lying about the reason for breaking up with someone isn’t okay.
Furthermore, if a break up is on the cards then both parties will feel it coming. Generally speaking there will be some sort of tension in the relationship whether that is down to lack of sex life, disinterest in one another or blazing rows that get you nowhere. If there isn’t any signs of trouble and one person decides it’s over then they’ve been lying for a pretty long time, or at least hiding the truth… which is one of the worst things you can do.
Aside from attempting to slowly phase out the relationship because that never works and you should just bite the bullet and end it amicably.
I used to be one of these people who was just too afraid to hurt people’s feelings. So instead I would go on ten dates with someone I didn’t actually like very much and then just ghost out on them, which is such a dick move and one I’ve learnt my lesson on thanks to the wonder that is karma.
I’ve actually become a very level headed person when it comes to relationships. I know what I want. I make that very clear and I don’t pussyfoot around conversations that I would have previously avoided.
Identifying and working through issues is one of the most important parts of a relationship and once you’re involved with someone you’re making a silent commitment to work on said issues. So the right way to break up with someone is certainly not to keep any issues to yourself, it’s to discuss them like an adult.
Unless they fucked your best friend or trashed your house, there’s no reason to see an ex is an enemy. They are someone you once loved, or at least someone you thought you could love. Because at the end of it all, that person gave themselves to you. They opened up and let you in and you should be grateful for the good times you had with them even if those were short lived.
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all photos by Rebecca Claire, libfemblog.com (Sony Xperia X, edited with VSCO) // all rights reserved