A friend of mine recently was really struggling to break up with someone she was seeing. It had been a few months and they had been having fun but she just wasn’t feelin’ it. She felt horrible about it but she knew that the breakup had to happen… it was the right thing to do.

Sometimes we find someone who is essentially perfect on paper but the spark just isn’t there. You can both be good people, give it your all and be the best you can be but if it’s not love then it’s not love. And even if one person is bound to get hurt, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give the relationship the dignity it deserves.

Sometimes you just have to be the bad guy. But in being the bad guy, try and be the best you can be about it.

Breaking up via text isn’t okay.

Ghosting on someone isn’t okay.

Lying about the reason for breaking up with someone isn’t okay.

Furthermore, if a break up is on the cards then both parties will feel it coming. Generally speaking there will be some sort of tension in the relationship whether that is down to lack of sex life, disinterest in one another or blazing rows that get you nowhere. If there isn’t any signs of trouble and one person decides it’s over then they’ve been lying for a pretty long time, or at least hiding the truth… which is one of the worst things you can do.

Aside from attempting to slowly phase out the relationship because that never works and you should just bite the bullet and end it amicably.

I used to be one of these people who was just too afraid to hurt people’s feelings. So instead I would go on ten dates with someone I didn’t actually like very much and then just ghost out on them, which is such a dick move and one I’ve learnt my lesson on thanks to the wonder that is karma.

I’ve actually become a very level headed person when it comes to relationships. I know what I want. I make that very clear and I don’t pussyfoot around conversations that I would have previously avoided.

Identifying and working through issues is one of the most important parts of a relationship and once you’re involved with someone you’re making a silent commitment to work on said issues. So the right way to break up with someone is certainly not to keep any issues to yourself, it’s to discuss them like an adult.

Unless they fucked your best friend or trashed your house, there’s no reason to see an ex is an enemy. They are someone you once loved, or at least someone you thought you could love. Because at the end of it all, that person gave themselves to you. They opened up and let you in and you should be grateful for the good times you had with them even if those were short lived.


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all photos by Rebecca Claire, (Sony Xperia X, edited with VSCO) // all rights reserved



  1. I’ve been on both sides and there’s never really a right time to say things, but I deffo think if you’ve been with someone for a while you owe them the respect of breaking things off ‘nicely’. Great read! x


  2. I’ve had a pretty limited experience of break ups actually. Toms only my third real relationship haha. But I remember with my ex, he broke up with me face to face (both time even though I begged him not to) and at the time I was devastated but it was the right thing to do. I have a friend who really hates break ups but by not being honest she’s sensed up married and now separated from someone …


    1. Imagine how much more devastating it would have been if all you’d had was a text message and no chance to speak to him though! You’re lucky you’re now married to the love of your life and don’t have to deal with the shitty world of dating haha xx


  3. This is great advice – I was a terrible ghoster/pity dater back in the day. It wasn’t just dating either, I had a general inability to say no to anything. Work, requests from friends and family- so much fear that people would hate me if I said no! And that’s something that had only changed with age and becoming a mother. Some times I think I’ve gone too far the other way now. I love your words about staying friends with an ex though having opened up to someone is something to celebrate x


    1. Yeah I was very much like that with everybody until I realised how (as a natural introvert) how miserable it made me. I’ve definitely gone the other way though and need to learn to say yes more! Xx


  4. Rebecca, you ALWAYS seem so level headed to me. This advice is on point. Ghosting is not okay – but I think a lot of people have probably found themselves doing it as an ‘easy get out’ because of their own anxieties/issues rather than just because they’re a terrible person. Refreshing to hear that perspective, and how you’ve learnt from past ghostings.
    Thanks for sharing! Lots of love, Hannah

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely, when I’ve done it in the past it was sure down to my own issues and not theirs. Out of the fear of being awkward and not being able to give people bad news I just couldn’t bring myself to do it! xx


  5. I’ve only ever experienced one breakup. It was with my first ever boyfriend who I was with for 4.5 years from the age of 15. It was scary and had been a time coming, but we could both feel it and broke up amicably before the relationship could turn sour. I think that’s the most mature we’d ever been about our relationship, and I’m so pleased we ended the way we did. We’re still friends now, and managed to live together for a year after breaking up with no problems!


    1. Thank you. I’m doing a whole world better since I last saw you! The move was a nightmare but I’m all settled in now and I’ve made loads of lifestyle changes and I’m really happy :) xxx


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