YOU DON’T NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF TO LIKE YOURSELF

I’ve wanted to write something like this for so so long but I just could not find the words BUT I think I’m ready to spit them out…

We are a generation obsessed with ourselves. It sounds harsh but it’s true. We’re obsessed with taking selfies and sharing our every move as if anybody actually cares what we ate for breakfast (even if you finally managed to snap the perfect poached egg, really, nobody gives a shit.) We’re a generation of self-loathing teenagers who grew into deeply self-centred adults obsessed with image and status, most likely thanks to social media.

We were told to love ourselves, to be self confident and to ooze individuality but in the greater sense of things… why does it fucking matter? When did we stop valuing who we are as people and instead value how we appear?

I’ve always been a very self-conscious person, the type that’s secretly in a pit of anxiety masked away under a sort of pseudo-confidence. In university I suffered from a form of anxiety that was directly link to my own self image, a sort that was insidious and told me to hate myself. People uplifted me by telling me that I’m beautiful, intelligent or individual but the truth is that we all are (except for fascists and Trump.)

And yes maybe this is somewhat a gender issue because generally speaking society teaches us to value young women’s looks more than anything else about them. We are complimented for how we look over how we behave and that’s kinda fucked up really isn’t it?

Maybe some of us should love ourselves a little more but there is a different between being content with your own image and being obsessed with it and our generation are (mostly) crossing the line. The true sense of self-love and self-belief comes from moving on from how we look and instead focusing on who we are deep down as a person. Perhaps some people find this far too difficult because they don’t want to see what’s underneath the surface.

True self confidence comes not when we start to love ourselves but when we start to realise that how we look is so much less important than we initially thought. In fact, we need to realise that we are not the most important thing, other people are. By focusing our energy on external things we can be much happier.

Not to mention the fact that nobody else is actually paying that much attention to how we look. Nobody is going to notice the pimple on your chin or remember what you wore that day, their impression of you that lasts in much more likely to be based on your attitude and what you said/did.

I think I’ve really come into the idea of self love recently. I’m two months single and I’ve been on Tinder mostly for a confidence boost but I’ve sure had one. I’ve started to realise that unless I’m willing to undergo a massive lifestyle change and give up eating pizza five times a week then I’m never going to look how I want to. But I’m okay with that. I like how I am and I’m past caring quite so much about how I appear to other people.

 

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all photos by Rebecca Claire, libfemblog.com (Sony Xperia X, edited with VSCO) // all rights reserved

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7 Comments

  1. this was a great post to read, preach it girl! I agree and especially as a blogger, brands expect us to be posting all the time and looking great and sometimes you just want to get away from it all and enjoy everything around you without having to snap/insta everything.
    G x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it’s mostly sad that this is the way we have become. It’s not really our own fault. We live inundated by a media that is relentless in its vanity and fixation on other people’s looks. And yes, while we should probably take a step back and check ourselves on our self-absorption, it’s only understandable to see why some people can’t/don’t. It’s impossible to escape, especially in the blogging social media circles.
    I’m not sure where I’m going on this little tangent, but yeah. I agree with you. But I feel like the frustrations should be directed more towards the vain media and less towards the susceptible consumers.
    Hannah
    hannahinternational.co.uk

    Like

  3. I think this is the very fine line that a lot of the body positives have got wrong. It’s all very well for someone to say you should love yourself as you are when they send hours getting ready for their Instagram picture. I’m not innocent, only yesterday tom took a photo of me and I didn’t like the double chin so I deleted it, but mostly I’m starting to think it’s more about being content with yourself.
    Charlotte | http://www.shoestringchic.co.uk

    Like

    1. We are definitely all guilty of it but it’s something I’ve really been working on and now I’m starting to understand that actually, nobody is paying that much attention to the tiny details and flaws that I see!

      Like

  4. When I read the title I immediately thought that you’d got it the wrong way round – like a parent child relationship – I feel that you don’t have to like yourself but you have to love yourself but then I saw where you were going with it.
    I do think that self absorption and self love are a completely different thing and one of the things that makes self love difficult at times is that misconception. If you tell anyone that you are happy with who you are and how you look etc etc the normal reaction is to think you are stuck up or self obsessed because we live in a society where we are meant to be focussed on what’s wrong with ourselves.
    I’m glad you are working on self love. It’s super important and it definitely comes from within, but it takes a lot of time.
    V โค
    http://sirvikalot.wordpress.com

    Like

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