Without whom, I would not be where I am today, happy and alive and healthy without the support both emotionally and financially from my parents. They are gods among men, truly. My parents put up with my cunty teenage years, supported every decision I have ever made, comforted me when I was idiot, helped me when I got fucked over hard and made me want to become someone who they can be proud of. If there was no other reason in the world to succeed, I would still do it all just for them.
I may have a couple of very minor health problems but overall I’m a healthy person. I don’t suffer with any dehabilitating conditions and I am lucky enough to be able bodied. Sometimes we get to appreciate the basics of being able to lead a life where health isn’t a major concern and although mental health isn’t much different, mental health problems can often be cured rather than being a lifelong condition.
Home is not just about having somewhere warm to sleep, it’s about feeling like you are where you belong. I am so lucky to have found a reasonably priced flat which fits all my needs without being excessive in size or in stuff. I have a parking space for when people come to stay, a spare room for B to stay in, a nice big bath tub, the worlds best chill spot balcony and the comfiest bed on earth. After my last home (from hell) I am glad to be in a space that is comfortable, minimal, functional and MINE. I feel safe and I feel like all the horrible memories of my last house are long gone.
I lost my confidence for a decade and I am so damn grateful to have it back. It’s difficult to tell what actually caused my confidence to slip away but after years of being a shy person I’ve finally gone back to being who I really am which is a bold and unapologetic person.
I have few friends and for that I am grateful. I saw few friends because if I was bored on a Sunday afternoon there aren’t more than a handful of people I could pop over and see. But in reality I have a number friends who mean the world to me. I have online friends I’ve known for years and met up with plenty, I have blogging friends I’ve gotten to know recently and others I’ve known a while, I have friends from university up and down the country, I have friends back in my hometown and I have friends half way across the globe. What’s important is that these people have saved me and I am finally in a position to give my support back. Thank you all.
MY EX FRIENDS
The ones who fucked me over, the ones who walked out of my life, the ones who borrowed hundreds of pounds and then scidaddled, the ones who blamed me for their own fucked up situations. Hey even my ex boyfriend who left me because I was going through a tough time… Thank you for leaving. I am healed and I am grown and boy oh boy am I better without you.
When I graduated I like many others was lost. I had no sense of what I wanted to do and my degree made me realise that I’m not cut out for a career in journalism. Instead, I went into sales jobs and then in a strange twist of fate into Motor Claims. I am now a Claims handler and have been for three months. I recently had a meeting with my manager to talk about how I’m doing and it was the most positive and uplifting meeting two people ever had. I was praised for quite literally everything I could be praised for (and give my boss credit too she is bloody fantastic) but I almost cried at how good she made me feel and how positive I feel that I’ve finally found an actual career path.
MY SAFETY (& PRIVILEGE)
Because without our safety, life becomes a battle. I have never lived in anything but safety but there have certainly been times where I have feared *a lot* for my safety. I no longer have this worry and it feels like an boulder has been lifted off my back. As a woman, I am still statistically more likely to be domestically abused or murdered by someone close to me however I am living a life where there is next to no risk of that. I am grateful this because it is something so many people live without.
For a while I lost my passion for music and recently I’ve really got back into the alternative music I loved so much in years gone by. I’ve made some awesome new discoveries and I’ve found myself choosing music over film/tv the majority of the time since I embraced minimalism. I rarely waste time in front of the tv these days and I’m much more inclined to write and play music than anything else.
Something to be more grateful for than ever, for the first time I am in a terrifying and wonderful place in my life. I feel loved and I am in love. I am truly, deeply happy and I bloody well deserve it.
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– photos by Rebecca Claire, libfemblog.com –
– Samsung Galaxy S8 – VSCO –
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